I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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