It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
