I just pynch a tree in the face
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
