Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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