the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
