she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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