He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
