He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
