He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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