I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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