We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
