halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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