Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
