When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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