I hate your face
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
