we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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