VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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