i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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