You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
