I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
