Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
