the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
