My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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