The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
