dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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