How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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