She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
