I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
