Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
