im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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