Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
