my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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