I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My dick has a subreddit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
