Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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