i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
