Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
