Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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