So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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