I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
