he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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