i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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