I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
