i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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