You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
