I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
