I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
