is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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