I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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