So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
