Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
