So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
