Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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