She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
