my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Please don't give away my fajitas
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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