god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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