so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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