I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
