No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
