She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he fucked my hip out of place.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
