i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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