I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
