The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
