So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
