this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
