It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
