Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
