Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
