did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
