i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize