he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
