do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
