So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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