If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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