do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
