Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
