You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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