I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
